I have a plan. I know what and how I am going to do it. I know that I want to do it i just dont know when. To many people will be effected but I am going to do it. It is the only way that I can release myself from this pain. To die is a great release to die is a way to let it all go. I want a calm painless death. My biggest fear is messing it up and not dying and then having to conitnue to live this life this way. I dont want to fuck it up. I want to get it done one time. How many bottles am I going to need. How much alcohol am I going to need. A full on bottle of whiskey and 10 bottles of sleeping pills and other sleep related things should help it along. No pain, no blood just sleep just calm just quiet nothingness. It is the best way. Is it selfish is it selfish is it selfish is it selfish. They will hurt but only for a little bit they will get over it. It really wont effect anyone. It will just end my pain, they will get over it they will move on they will have a life without me because they already do. It doesnt matter anymore they will all go on happy. And I will finally have my peace and happiness back. It will be dark and quiet and done. finally finished.