..

I have been assaulted sexually when I was maybe 6 or 5. I did not know at the time what was happening, I thought it was a "game". I grew up and forgot all about it. when I was 14, or close to that age, I started to remember things, I remembered flashbacks about me sucking his dick and touching him when I was close to 6, before kindergarten.

I hated myself, why did he do that to me?

but I thought it was fine, it is right I am sad about it, but at least not raped, and anyway, pedophilia is "normal" in my country, many of my friends had similar less severe experiences.

during the quarantine I started thinking about it a lot, I remembered that sometimes, he would bend me over and enter his finger into me from behind. and I am sure that I had some green thing coming out of me days after. I might have been raped, maybe it was not his finger I really cannot tell. he literally treated me like a sex object .

my mother knew about it when I was young and all she could do was to tell me to stay silent or no one would ever love me or marry me; I was around 8 or 9 at that time. no one helped me.

when I was 10, my uncle, who was a teenager, tried to get me laid, my father entered the room before he does anything and took me.

my father blamed me, and still hate me for it. after all, I was the slut that agreed to sleep with him because I thought it was a "game".

I cannot remember who was the first guy, his face or name, I remember his penis more than I remember his face. 😂

I cant report him to the police, my family will stop me, and will definitely abuse me if I tried.. and it happened over 15 years ago.. how would I prove it! I just want my right, why should I suffer when he should be the one suffering?