the past 4 days have been absolute hell for me. my parents got into a big fight and i was involved, and this was the first time i had cried in a while since i kind of grew used to holding myself back from doing that. i changed in a way that i absolutely despise. i tried to reach out for help from anyone, but i was either left on read or people just didn’t care. i felt so alone. it was terrible, and i was trying to recover from my ED but i recently weighed myself and was not happy with what i saw. i’m afraid i might go back to my old habits but what makes it worse is the fact that i’m expected to help people, and never myself. no one has ever taken the time out of their day to really check up on me. and when i can’t do that i’m instantly a bad person. i hate it so much, i just want it to stop. i wanted to cry so badly yesterday, but my immediate reaction to that was “don’t”. i was so mad at myself. i has trained my mind to think i would never have to cry again, or that i was fine and could take care of myself. but in reality, i need someone. someone who is willing to care for me and love me but i don’t even know if that exists. i can never be happy with myself.