Trigger warning - In February I was sexually assaulted by my older brother when I was asleep. I wasn’t raped but I was touched by someone who I never thought would put their hands on me like that. I’m embarrassed because instead of fighting or doing anything for him to to stop I froze. I literally froze I couldn’t move I was so scared to do anything. This all happened in my tias studio apartment my mom and tia where sleeping just a couple feet away when it happened. My mom and I drove to la to visit my tia who lives there and my brother who came from out of state to visit. I wish I never went. Every time I think about that night I question what I should or could have done to stop it. This all happened the night he was going back home he had to leave at 4am to catch his flight. I remember when he was done he just laid there with his hands still on me before he got up to take a shower. The second he got up the tears came and they wouldn’t stop and I cried even harder when I heard him singing like he didn’t just touched his sister. I haven’t told or talked to anyone about that night. He came home twice to visit in the last few months. During both visits I made sure I was never alone, I try to wear things that covered my body and I always have my dog in my room and the bedroom door locked every night before bed. I also put on a fake smile and pretend everything is okay while I’m suffering inside I act like nothing happened. This is the first time I spoken out about it and the reason is because I found out today that he is moving back home. The second the house was cleared and no one was home I cried my heart out all that pain that I kept in came out I’m scared. I’m even more embarrassed because I was 22 when it happened now 23 and I couldn’t stop it I’m afraid it will happened again and I won’t be able to do anything again that I will just freeze. I hate this.