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im gonna vent here cuz i hate opening up in real life.

In less than 24 hours i have been told that i am egoistic, ungrateful, heartless, emotionless. That i can just cut everyone off without thinking and hurt them intentionally. I can cut everyone off without thinking about them. That i distance myself quite often.

All my life all i have been was the opposite. I let everyone walk over me, i couldn’t find who i was. I have been hurt so many times i cant even remember.

my memory is so foggy i dont remember anything to the point when one night i tried to remember one of my relationships and i went so deep i remembered some things and actually understood that i was sexually assaulted.

When i finally realized that i need to love myself more, that i should be my priority and i worked every day to achieve that. I always tried to be more distant more cold so people wont ever know the real me because not everyone deserves to.

I thought that the point where i am is not enough and worked harder and harder and now i have been told that.

That i am cold hearted. I never care. I am distant.

and now that i am where i wanted to be , i dont know how to feel.

I realized that i have spent so much time alone that i really dont need anyone anymore.

But the thibgs is i bottle up everything. Nothing has changed it just became worse.

I have been stressing so much, i took every possible class i kept myself busy all the time i havent had any time for myswlf.

My mental and physical health is so bad and nobody gives a shit.

My anxiety got really bad and parents never care. When i say that my head aches they go like “ u r too young for that” or “ u havent done anything. mine should be aching i was working all day” I cant evwn open up about my health anymore.

My hands are constantly shaking to the point where i cant draw.

I dont know what i want

All i have been thinking lately is death because its so much easier.

I am so tired . i dont want to feel anything anymore.