I’m in the process of having a miscarriage at seventeen and I don’t have the emotional capacity to deal with it so I’ve decided to ignore it. My boyfriend decided he was in too dark of a place to deal with it so he’s just ignored it too. Am I a bad person? Why couldn’t I carry a baby? I want to confirm that it’s a miscarriage with a doctor or a pregnancy test, but that would make it too real. I hate keeping secrets especially from my mom. If I confirm it all that would do is make me sad and make me guilty.
I don't think the way you've decided to handle this makes you a bad person. We all deal with things (especially tragic events) in different ways. How you have decided to handle this is exactly the same way I handle my dad's death. I think of it as putting into a box and storing it in the back of my brain.
As for your ability to carry a baby, at 17 there's every chance you might not be fully mature in that sense. Everyone develops at different rates. No one knows why it happens sometimes, its just nature I guess. I know a few women who have had miscarriages (my mum included) so please don't think it's something you've done wrong, or that there's something wrong with you. Sometimes it seems it just doesn't happen.
If you can gather the emotional strength, I think it best to confirm it with a doctor. For one, you might be wrong and you'll feel a huge sense of relief. And if you were right, then you need to understand that there's nothing you could have done to prevent it and it wasn't your fault.
Talk to your mom if you can, she might be just the friend you need at this time.