No one seems to acknowledge my efforts. No one seems to want me around. I'm way past the point of needing help or attention, I don't even know if I want to be heard anymore. I live each day for the sake of getting through it - I wake up, go through classes, some chores, get my usual cups of coffee, maybe eat, sleep, get up again, wait for me to go back to sleep - then the cycle repeats itself all over again. My current environment is toxic, but then again, everywhere I go ends up becoming toxic - I am toxic - I am the one making it so. I always think of ending my life, I want to, I need to be free of myself somehow. But I'm scared. In a few months I'll grow older, another year added to my meaningless life. Another year of knowing that no one will mind what I feel, they will only notice the wrongs and my success anyway. If I make it, they're happy, if I don't they will continue to make me feel miserable, there's really no in-between. I'm sick of asking for help because no one ever helps, even I've given up on myself, what more the others. I feel like I'm just a shell, all I have is dark thoughts and a repetitive lifestyle. Nothing is ever new nor old - it's just as it is. Stagnant. I want to break out of it but how? Trying new things terrify me, I'm too scared to end it all as well. Every single time I dwell on thoughts that drag me down, I'm a big ball of anxiety and depression. I want to die, there's no talking me out of it. I want it to end, I want to be free. Yet even for that, I can't be resolute. I'm too much of a coward to die. I'm scared of pain but all the while I'm causing myself more pain. I don't know where to go. I used to think I'm heading forward but everything else seems too heavy to move on - yet I don't want to let go. Why cant it just all end?

No one seems to acknowledge my efforts. No one seems to want me around. I'm way past the point of needing help or attention, I don't even know if I want to be heard anymore. I live each day for the sake of getting through it - I wake up, go through classes, some chores, get my usual cups of coffee, maybe eat, sleep, get up again, wait for me to go back to sleep - then the cycle repeats itself all over again. My current environment is toxic, but then again, everywhere I go ends up becoming toxic - I am toxic - I am the one making it so. I always think of ending my life, I want to, I need to be free of myself somehow. But I'm scared. In a few months I'll grow older, another year added to my meaningless life. Another year of knowing that no one will mind what I feel, they will only notice the wrongs and my success anyway. If I make it, they're happy, if I don't they will continue to make me feel miserable, there's really no in-between. I'm sick of asking for help because no one ever helps, even I've given up on myself, what more the others. I feel like I'm just a shell, all I have is dark thoughts and a repetitive lifestyle. Nothing is ever new nor old - it's just as it is. Stagnant. I want to break out of it but how? Trying new things terrify me, I'm too scared to end it all as well. Every single time I dwell on thoughts that drag me down, I'm a big ball of anxiety and depression. I want to die, there's no talking me out of it. I want it to end, I want to be free. Yet even for that, I can't be resolute. I'm too much of a coward to die. I'm scared of pain but all the while I'm causing myself more pain. I don't know where to go. I used to think I'm heading forward but everything else seems too heavy to move on - yet I don't want to let go. Why cant it just all end?

Life’s a challenge at your age. Brain chemicals cause depression. Feelings of failure. We’re funny. We let politicians send our jobs over seas. Use immigration to drive down wages. Then they cut our healthcare. They cause endless inflation. Then we wonder why we can’t all have a more successful life In life you just have to lower expectations &amp; hang in there. In a few yrs your brain chemicals will balance out. You’ll enjoy life more. As for success; lower the bar. Success is living to enjoy the beauty of the world each day. That’s a miracle. Few end up rich. Most rich people are miserable.

Life’s a challenge at your age. Brain chemicals cause depression. Feelings of failure.    We’re funny. We let politicians send our jobs over seas. Use immigration to drive down wages. Then they cut our healthcare. They cause endless inflation.    Then we wonder why we can’t all have a more successful life    In life you just have to lower expectations & hang in there. In a few yrs your brain chemicals will balance out. You’ll enjoy life more. As for success; lower the bar. Success is living to enjoy the beauty of the world each day. That’s a miracle. Few end up rich. Most rich people are miserable.  

Re: . . .

I totally understand how you feel. As much as I wish to help, we are strangers. All I can say is that, no matter how hard it gets, any problem can be fixed. Maybe not in the time of ,but in the future. Just fight for your happiness and never give up. What's been keeping me going is knowing that someday I'll be happy, whether it's alone of with people, I know I want to be happy someday. I deserve to be happy and so do you. We only have one life and we need to make something out of it. Keep your head up, you can do it. Alot of people on here are in pain and struggling ,but, with time, If we keep our hopes up we can do it. Know that even if you might feel alone, there's always someone who loves you, you might just not know it. Though we are strangers know that I am proud of you, proud of how far you've come and I hope you will flourish and be happy someday.

I totally understand how you feel. As much as I wish to help, we are strangers. All I can say is that, no matter how hard it gets, any problem can be fixed. Maybe not in the time of ,but in the future. Just fight for your happiness and never give up. What's been keeping me going is knowing that someday I'll be happy, whether it's alone of with people, I know I want to be happy someday. I deserve to be happy and so do you. We only have one life and we need to make something out of it. Keep your head up, you can do it. Alot of people on here are in pain and struggling ,but, with time, If we keep our hopes up we can do it. Know that even if you might feel alone, there's always someone who loves you, you might just not know it. Though we are strangers know that I am proud of you, proud of how far you've come and I hope you will flourish and be happy someday. 