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have you ever felt completely numb like you have no feeling what so ever and when you start thinking about things tears start rolling down your cheeks but you dont feel anything at all and you cant do anything so you just sit there and let the tears come as they do and wait till they finish. your mum chooses your dad over you even though you grew up with her and she basically lived your childhood with you because shes younger than most mums and your the oldest child your her first born and your her first daughter but she chooses everyone else over you. even when your dad is pretty messed up and hes done things he shouldnt have and you just dont feel anything at all like you have no emotion no reaction to anything anymore you try and fake being happy so people think your okay and your friends think your fine and your just your normal self and your still the same you. you have to pretend to do this shit and pretend to be this girl who is a complete nutcase and is goofy and happy and jus a crackhead with her friends and she loves being a risk taker and she loves doings things she probably shouldnt do but deep down its all an act. shes just pretending to be the way she used to be and her friends might have noticed and asked her if shes okay but she shrugs them off and says yes everything good and just forgets they said anything and sometimes they do the same. but theres one person she cant fake anything to and he sees through her and he knows shes jus faking it all and he never walks away from her whenever shes getting on his nerves and she just keeps a wall between her and him because she knows its dangerous if he knows things because she knows he would want to help and she dont want that. he said he loves her and she said it back but when he says it now she just cant say it back shes lost but now he walked away from her because he found someone new. she started feeling just sadness but it turned into anger and since then she just feels angry all the time...