Hi I am 15 year old Male and I want to kill myself, to be realistic I am probably doing this because I want your pety. i think my everything start when I had 6 years old. I that age i was abused by another classmate ( did not have any penetration) this last I think for a week until i tell a teacher i don't with was for lack of communication but she didn't understand and she just scolded him and he left me alone. My mom never knew about what happened but she realized that I acted weird so she make me go to a psychologist she thought that the reason of my behavior was my father who left us when I had 9 months. growing up I was desperate to make friends for lack of confidence I just accepted bad friendships people who didn't care about me and just use me adding that with addiction in porn since young age I didn't had a normal childhood. And is my only sin when 2020 came I ended up locked in home because of quarantine so that means a lot of time doing nothing in this time spend a lot time on Twitter. There was something on the trending topics about report pedophiles and I ended up making the mistake of going inside that trend (that last phrase was probably confusing but I just click in the trend)There I find CP (child porn) and at first moment I was shocked so I close the twitter but some hours after i entered again after realizing that i divided to uninstall the Twitter but in the next day I came there again and then I jerked at first moment I felt estrange but I dicide to ignore and continue to do it after seeing what I have done I deactivate my account on Twitter and I tried to live my life like normal but what happened never got out of my mind someday I was checking the emails and I found the Twitter email that show me that could reactivate my account so that I did but the video was not there anymore so I started to looking and I found ( was pretty easy ) and then I started to jerking to CP like normal porn sometimes I am feeling guilty and erase everything but I always come back so I see that is useless try to stop and if I continue the police will probably bust me. I unfortunately don't believe in god anymore so can't comfort in him, to be true I just don't wanna let down my mom and she just had a baby so I'm afraid that she get depression. So I don't know what to do because no matter what do my mom gonna be in pain. So what should I do?Ps: sorry for my English I hope that at least you can understand me.