I hate the way I feel. I despise it. I hate the way I break down at the worst times and the way I can't cry when I want to. I hate the way my thoughts consume me. I hate myself so, so much. i felt numb most times. for a long period of time i only felt a heavy, sharp pain in my chest. until the moment where my emotions couldn't possibly handle it any longer, something so small, like someone barely scolding me, triggered me. i lock myself in the washroom and i breakdown. instantly wanting to release everything that i had been holding onto. i've realized, at one point, that i was holding on to everything but reality, and that hit me hard. I feel like we're all trying to hide the fact that we're all so alone, that no matter how hard we try, we'll never truly understand one another. There's only so much that one can express through words. For most of my life, I've always felt like no one ever understood me -i know so many people can relate. so i thought that sharing someone a little piece of me would be pointless. after countless comforting words from my friends, i realized that it wasn't quite what i needed to feel better. although being alone isn't bad at all, i just really felt out of place. i thought that no one's mind was as complex and annoying as mine. But as i think about it again, i feel like everyone thinks the same. that no one out there in the world would understand their silent suffering, no one would understand how their thoughts outweigh themselves on a daily basis. often times i think to myself, "what the hell is wrong with me?" or "why can't i just be normal without carrying so much weight on my back." i've spent my whole life thinking. i sat and observed everything that was put around me. i just watched people grow, i've watched how people handle their feelings, i've watched and understood. and now i think about all the children that matured too quickly. i think about all the people who overthink until they find their head spinning, much like me. everything just goes on and on, and each thought leads on to another. often leaving you so, so overwhelmed by it all. and as i write this, erasing and adding on to a little vomit of words from my head, i want you to know that i am one of the seven billion people that understands you. yes, and i know that there are more of us. waiting to be understood. waiting for a sense of comfort.

I hate the way I feel. I despise it. I hate the way I break down at the worst times and the way I can't cry when I want to. I hate the way my thoughts consume me. I hate myself so, so much. i felt numb most times. for a long period of time i only felt a heavy, sharp pain in my chest. until the moment where my emotions couldn't possibly handle it any longer, something so small, like someone barely scolding me, triggered me. i lock myself in the washroom and i breakdown. instantly wanting to release everything that i had been holding onto. i've realized, at one point, that i was holding on to everything but reality, and that hit me hard. I feel like we're all trying to hide the fact that we're all so alone, that no matter how hard we try, we'll never truly understand one another. There's only so much that one can express through words. For most of my life, I've always felt like no one ever understood me -i know so many people can relate. so i thought that sharing someone a little piece of me would be pointless. after countless comforting words from my friends, i realized that it wasn't quite what i needed to feel better. although being alone isn't bad at all, i just really felt out of place. i thought that no one's mind was as complex and annoying as mine. But as i think about it again, i feel like everyone thinks the same. that no one out there in the world would understand their silent suffering, no one would understand how their thoughts outweigh themselves on a daily basis. often times i think to myself, "what the hell is wrong with me?" or "why can't i just be normal without carrying so much weight on my back." i've spent my whole life thinking. i sat and observed everything that was put around me. i just watched people grow, i've watched how people handle their feelings, i've watched and understood. and now i think about all the children that matured too quickly. i think about all the people who overthink until they find their head spinning, much like me. everything just goes on and on, and each thought leads on to another. often leaving you so, so overwhelmed by it all. and as i write this, erasing and adding on to a little vomit of words from my head, i want you to know that i am one of the seven billion people that understands you. yes, and i know that there are more of us. waiting to be understood. waiting for a sense of comfort.  

Your post sounds so familiar as if I've written itYou're right. There are so many people who can relate but funny enough when you go to the real world, is like nobody is sufferingThe part where you said that you lock yourself into the bathroom and instantly break down - reminds me of the many times I had been sobbing silently so nobody would listenThe problem with all of us suffering - talking about those who feel overwhelmed and overthink everything - is that we focus all our energy on ourselvesDon't get me wrong, it is not that bad...We have so much self-awareness, yet this is also what's destroying usFinding all that small and insignificant things to obsess over and as a result, feeling even worse than before...But what if we looked outside a little and gave our attention to people/hobbies/whatever...I guess it wouldn't be so badWhat do you think?

Your post sounds so familiar as if I've written itYou're right. There are so many people who can relate but funny enough when you go to the real world, is like nobody is sufferingThe part where you said that you lock yourself into the bathroom and instantly break down - reminds me of the many times I had been sobbing silently so nobody would listenThe problem with all of us suffering - talking about those who feel overwhelmed and overthink everything - is that we focus all our energy on ourselvesDon't get me wrong, it is not that bad...We have so much self-awareness, yet this is also what's destroying usFinding all that small and insignificant things to obsess over and as a result, feeling even worse than before...But what if we looked outside a little and gave our attention to people/hobbies/whatever...I guess it wouldn't be so badWhat do you think?

Re: 1/7 billion

yes absolutely!!! i see exactly what you mean. thank you so much, honestly ive never thought about it that way before. and ive realized how right you are. how its not entirely bad, but its whats destroying us.

yes absolutely!!! i see exactly what you mean. thank you so much, honestly ive never thought about it that way before. and ive realized how right you are. how its not entirely bad, but its whats destroying us. 