By the end of 2019 and I somehow started opening up to someone new trying to put my feelings to an end and focus on other things and someone else? They disappeared on me and suddenly..Which I could somehow bear with because it wasn't that deep Where does 2020 come?As 2020 started he came back into my life with a well cooked up excuse filled with lies.. I welcomed him with open arms, because well I missed him? Lol poor me In a delicate time of my life he decided to disappear on me again, it when I decided to do some digging and found that is was deceived, used and lied to right from the start I just couldn't accept the signs .. I was used emotionally and physically, my time was wasted and my energy was drained for pure lies and pleasure Got devastated? yes but not on them, i broke down because I let them do all that, because I let them in and because I believed them..I fucked up my exams ofc and moved on pretty fast since I wasn't gonna waste emotions on shitty bastard .. Slowly trying to heal.. Oh wait you know what comes now? Fucking post shock or whatever that is depression? Yes sure. Losing self control, self esteem hits the bottom, anger issues? Yes ofc, loneliness? Nothing new, self loathe trying your best and not moving forward.. Ofc in the middle of a fucking pandemic when you can't even step outside to forget yourself a little... But what, how did I deal with that? The love of my life was there for me, ah so how does that make this year even shittier ? Its my unrequited love that I wanted to forget about so I tried to put it into another guy that turned to be a lying asshole .. But him, oh him, he is the best thing in my life, or should I say was .. Oh he didn't die ( I think?) After he was there for me for the longest time, he suddenly also disappeared on me.. Ironic hahaha I fucking hate myself .. This is just too cruel