So yesterday i was feeling really sick nd i still am. I have a really bad chronic illness that makes me get sick real easily. Heat is my biggest weakness, cause it makes me shut down in no time. I was also raised in a family that called me a pussy for being sick so intensely, saying i was faking as i was taking loads of medication that did make my condition worsen with the years. Now am medication free but i still have this condition and sometime i just don't want to deal with it. Anyway back to yesterday. It was really hot and humid here and my partner does now that i shut down with heat but they had never seen it. With that said, i literally shut down and started to get sicker and sicker and they took care of me. But i still have this heavy guilt on my chest. So this morning, i woke up and left their house really early, knowing they wouldn't notice i was still sick cause they would be too sleepy. BUT,we are on similar servers on discord, one of them being a giant group rp and i had to tell them i would rp today cause am still so badly sick. But my partner saw that and now they were a little mad at me for not telling them i was sick. They said they wanted to take care of me. But the thing is no matter how many time i tell them hoe bad it makes me fell when they take care of me, they just want to do it more and you can call it love of what ever. But it makes me feel like a bad person. I probably am. I just don't think i deserve to be taken care of. But again, i do know that those thoughts were condition into my head by being told all my life i was a faker and a crybaby and i didn't deserve help for having n "invisible" condition. Still...the feeling is lingering in my head and chest, telling me am so not worth the help, so not worth their attention. Am glad they love me because i love them so much it hurt. I i feel guilty of stealing their love from someone that really deserve it