Am that point when I just don't get sleep. I keep wondering about what could have been, and alll the what ifs in my life.
It might seem a tad overdramatic, but I am 16😂. I am allowed to be a little dramatic if need be. So the story starts with me really needing to go this one prestigious Arts College for my 11th. But I didnt score enough to get in. And I can't help thinking..what if I would have studied just a little bit more? Maybe then I wouldn't have to worry about all this and could be sleeping instead of writing all of this at 3am . Mostly, I am just disappointed and jealous of the people who got in. And to all the people who say marks don't matter, well they Do! They do matter when you worked so hard all your 10th and have a lot of achievements but your academics are the one deciding factor for your admissions. Either the education system is really decayed, or we really need to stop downplaying the role of marks in our academic life.
I mean, look at me, I am a debater, a published writer in a couple newspapers, but my science marks decided if I could get into the college or not. Cruel irony.
And the worst thing is, I actually thought all these activities would be enough to get me into my dream college. But no, my Science marks are what decide if I get into a Humanities College.
I know people have it a lot worse, but I dont think that should undermine the way I am feeling right now.
Pretty sure I will delete this in the morning, but here we go. My "feelings" are out there and guess what? I still feel like the same pathetic failure I think I am.
Maybe getting it off my chest just doesn't work for me. Instead, it makes me feel heavier, like there is a bigger baggage.