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Sometimes when all I see is a dead end And a panic attack comes and I don’t know how to stop it and I wanna break out of this life somehow, I grab my neck and choke myself. Up until a cough makes me loosen the restrain. Sometimes it ends up in vomit and me on the floor with sudden gush of tears. After that it takes a while to feel normal. Then I take deep Long breaths and then shower. This process makes me Feel ok again. I feel numb enough to face the world.