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5 months ago

A story of mine (part 1)

Hi, I am 23 year old and I wanna talk about something happened with me, cometely honestly without playing mind games without trying to make it seem less pathetic than it really is and without making myself seem less messed up..

So it started a little over a year ago, when I had trouble getting over the love of my life, trying every possible scenario to forget someone I deeply cared about and who simply didn't love me back anymore..

So I used an app to talk to people and distract myself, after that everything started to crumble..

I posted one time that I keep texting my ex and I don't wanna do that anymore.. someone replied and said then let's talk..

I texted him, I usually didn't do stuff like that and I thought well it's going to be just a one time thing .. to be fair he was hot and I thought a bit of fun won't hurt anyone..

it hurt me..

So the story starts here..

We talked and it was an interesting convo, and it was fun, I made this little huge mistake that I compared him to my ex and looking for similarities in them (even though they're really not similar at all) I was looking for a person I love in a stranger which made me go blind..

We kept talking days and days..

To be fair, there was BUNCH of red flags in the first few times we talked , it was obvious they were there for me saying dodge this bullet... But I ignored them and that's on me, everything was MY FAULT and I know that..

The guy always tried to turn our conversations into sexual comments or trying to get me to say weird stuff, send him photos and always be available for him, even though he wasn't, after few weeks, it was a short while after we talked we were speaking on the phone and he said he loved me, I was shocked but I knew I didn't love him, for some reason I replied I love you too (seriously what the actual fuck???) i dont know why I said it but after that I spoke to him saying that I'm confused and I am not emotionally available.. and I tried to be nice about it, he obviously changed behaviour but then he told me that he wants to tell me how he feels about me even if it's not mutual I was ok with it and stuff then I got blinded by it, I did like him but didn't really love him, it wasn't that deep for me, I always felt something was off about him and everything ..

He'd always disappear and say stuff that don't add up and I just didn't care because he wasn't important to me that much..

The problem is that I started to get emotionally attached, I did, he distracted me from my demons and thoughts and I loved the attention he gave me...


sorry for the long post if you're reading say something, thanks