i’ve been faking my personality for a long time now, i’ve been faking my humour, my sparks or joy, tears of excitement, tears of misery. it’s all fake, i feel empty inside, i’m in a constant state of anger and the anger won’t stop. i don’t know what to do, i don’t want to bother anyone i know because no one will believe me, they all say “but you were happy like 10 minutes ago?” or i just blame it on the constant need of affection. but i know i don’t need affection. i don’t need it. i don’t need attention either. what i need is for someone to fix me.
i’ve been feeling like shit since i broke up with my boyfriend, one of my friends said that he “broke” me and my concept of love. and the longer i think about it the more it makes sense. i don’t know what to do any more i don’t want to feel like this, i want to go back to my normal self before quarantine came into place, before my relationship went to shit, before i lost myself, before i started faking my personality. i want to go back to when i was ok