breaking

i never go on these kind of sites but lately, the loneliness has really taken over, everyone is leaving me, or has left me, i dont know what im doing wrong. i really feel like a burden to most people, just someone to help with their problems and me dealing with mine alone. school has consumed my brain and i just feel exhausted all the time, i barely leave my bed and when i do it's because my mom yells at me to. i just feel really alone, for the past couple of days ive been seeking out anonymous chatrooms, hoping to find someone who can get me out of this, possibly a new friend, but they're all just horny men, (not even exaggerating) so that made me sink in further, ive contemplated suicide, but i ruled it out because of financial costs, i dont want to be even more of a burden than i already am. and you wanna know something so stupid? i got my mom a gift for her birthday, so did a lot of my family. and she posted her gifts online, thanking everyone for them. guess whose she didnt post? ah right, mine. im always forgotten, always left behind, always second choice. i dont know what to do, its not even worth it, i always tell myself that none of this is real, that when i die all of it will be forgotten, gone. that makes it feel a little better.