Dad wanted to kill my children

He was Cruel to me. Tried to kill me as a boy. Because he looked Spanish. I look white.

So I grew up an orphan.

I get a transplant. I have hope. I’m happy. I’ll live to see my kids grown.

But have this tube in my side with blood coming out. Wife says my mom called. Dad dying. Wants to see me.

He has never wanted to see me. He spoiled my sis. Treated me horribly. I say no.

Wife says as a Christian I must. DNA has proved I’m his & my sis isn’t. He must finally want to say he’s sorry.

I grew up an orphan for having blond hair. He lived rich. Sister lived rich. I was a homeless teen. Now I’m supposed to just go see him?

So I take my blond kids. Each gives him a nice present. (I didn’t get presents). They hug him. Say they love him.

He sees their blond hair & starts yelling. He’s going to shoot them for trespassing. He was kidding. I grab them & run.

That was one of the main reasons my wife divorced me. I put our kids in danger.

Me? She’s the one who told me we had to go.

At about same time someone else is dying. One of the people who were so evil to me. Wife says go see them. I say no. She says as a Christian I must. I pray for them but no.

Now another one of them is dying. I went & forgave them recently. They were happy to be forgiven; but never apologized.

I’m not going to see them. I left it good between us. I’ll just let it end that way. Now there’s just one of my abusers left. And of course the mom who abandoned me.

I’m so tired. So sick. So hungry.

I often smell food as my roommates cook. I go out & they have steaks. Bacon. Cake. Blueberries. Peaches. Pizza. Tacos. Milk. On & on. I eat crackers.

I goto get my meds & I stand in my old clothes & my shoes with the holes. My toes touch the ground as I walk.

Soon I’ll have to put on my coat. It’s falling apart.

I hate the winter. It’s so cold.