feeling lost

i've never really been the type to express my feelings . but for two years now i've felt lost . i was always doing good in school , shy and kind type of person . but so much happened in my life & i'm a completely different person . i don’t recognize myself . i don’t care what anyone says . the drugs do help numb out the pain even if it’s just for a second . i'm thankful to be here , but it’s not really what i want . my head is always fuzzy. i don’t know how i feel about so many things . i don’t know if i care anymore . I don’t know what to do to get rid of this feeling. i wake up with it , spend the day w this feeling killing me on the inside & go to sleep with it . it’s a type of hurt that no one understands.