I feel like I am a bad person. I am not overtly evil or anything. I just have been a loner most of my life. Don't get me wrong, I am married, have children, and come from a good family. I feel like I can't really open up to people. I work in a profession where my job is to help people and I don't do 95% of the things I tell people. I always feel like there is more in life that I am missing out on. I should be doing more. I should be more grown and act more like an adult. I cope by masturbating to and/or with random, anonymous females online on video chat sites. For 10 minutes I feel like someone while doing this. This goes against my personal values. I feel like a walking hypocrite.