I think I have my shit together

I don’t. I’m faking it, and everyone can tell. I feel like they can tell. I’m a mom and a teacher. I am depressed and falling back into an episode because life is really overwhelming. I can’t talk to anyone about it because they have their own problems, and I am alone in this.

I love my kids but they are constant. I love my boyfriend, but I’m on the back-burner to a multitude of other things. I am left managing the house and the kids and my career and school, and he can’t be bothered to take more than 10% of the house responsibilities. Can’t be bothered to take time to ask me what I need. Can’t be bothered to do anything that does not benefit him.

He’s been ignoring me more and more. He has a hard time becoming aroused if we are intimate later in the day. This is so different and it was a sudden thing that happened about a month ago, and since then that is what it has been like. By the way, for a mom of three I think I’m a total babe, I’m fit and hygienic (those things are important to me). I suspect something is going on, but I don’t want to go through his phone. it hurts to think about.

Intimacy is something that has always been on his terms. Sexually, he’s not adventurous, but I interpret that as lack of interest. He’s not attracted to me like others have been. I can’t even get head from the dude. I’m just tired of his shit, and I wish this felt more like a partnership than a live-in housekeeper/ warm fife bag type of situation.