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6 months ago

Not a cry for help..?

First time doing this but I guess it's true what they say about it being easier to talk to strangers? Anyway, I woke up today feeling pretty normal. Nothing really odd about today, just doing what I usually do. Now, I'm a kinda strange person. Whenever I'm feeling something, I dig deep to find out what it is. It's not to put a label on it or feel more in control, it's just this burning curiosity to find out what I'm feeling so I can put it into words. And that's what I do. I pull out my phone and pull up the Reminders app(IOS) and write down what I'm feeling, whether I write it straight forward or do some poetic bullshit and make it mysterious and shit. So anyways, I was working on a project and decided to take a little break on IG when I came across a poem about false hope or something along the lines. And whenever I find something to think about, I end up writing something about what it's like in my experience. So I did, but before I knew it, I had written down something without realizing it. Instead of doing it in my usual format of just ranting, I somehow ended ups writing poetry. But the strange thing is it sounds so sad. Like I'm going through suicidal thoughts or backstabbing or things like that. Which I'm not. Is this a subconscious cry for help that I never knew about?

"The euphoria of sunshine in the winter is short lived and painful, as you open your eyes and see fluorescence. Then, you wish for ignorance one again."

I know I wrote this but I actually had to figure out the meaning. It's something along the lines of being in a bleak situation but then finding a light. A hope. Only to realize it's fake? But you're so desperate that even if you know it's not real, you cling to the illusion. Am I some weird subconsciously depressed person? Or do I just connect with people who actually feel this way? Any and all answers would be appreciated, even the jokes. :)