The guy that put me where i belong...

hi everyone, i had this relationship with a boy in 9 months, fast right? But it felt like it was forever forever to handle. Well it go something like this.. he has a family problem well i do too we’re practically same, but the difference is it’s not that big of a deal to me, but to him... he’ll get agitated whenever that problem hits even to me he’ll talk abt it & then get mad at me too, but of course I understand the pain that he’s felting, 3 months of us dating he confessed that he is still inlove with his ex, my world shattered but i put a mask on cuz he said he’s willing to change that, I listened to him talk about he’s ex sending me some screenshots of their conversations & then suddenly i got mad, because the girl sometimes disrespects him & of course i thought i was in the right line right cuz i feel bad to him, but no. He told me not to care about it, that the girl is kind & not talk shit about her because idk her, i was sad at that moment my friends were worried about me & some of my guy friends comforted me but didn’t really opened any topic about the problem but when my bf(ex) found out he got really pissed he started to call me names because he said that i was talking to other guys, i said i was sorry. one night i just found myself crying my eyes out opened his account & looking to all the girls he’s been talking to, i tried to mention this to him but he just gon mad, (im a soft person guys so whenever someone shouted at me or cuss at me i’ll probably get sad it depends on the person tho haha), so to avoid that i just didn’t mention anything anymore, i pity myself at that time haha i even think of killing myself because he’s the only guy that i loved cuz most of the time im a bitter person & not that good at socializing, but i broke it. After that he ask if we can still be friends & i said yes but now he’s sweeter than usual but he gets mad when he asks me if im talking to other guys i don’t know wtd now, im still stuck fml, there’s alot of realization one of those are im not ready for a relationship yet or maybe im gonna die young & single haha