i don't remember the last time i was happy, like happy with my life i mean, because iv'e missed out on because of how fucked up i am. ive been through a lot in the past few years, i'm only 14 yet i don't wanna live, for months i couldn't imagine myself having a future, i dint care about my grades because in the end it didnt matter. i feel lost, and i don't even recognize myself, i feel so alone like nobody can see past my fake smile or see how much ive changed, and ive changed alot but nobody has noticed except for me.

i feel like im going insane, i just need something to explain why im feeling the way im feeling, i have all of these questions and thoughts but not a single answer. what the hell is the point if its this fucking painful and confusing?

i dont know what to do.