Im what people consider smart... but am i really? You see, when i was in 1-7th grade i was really smart, and it was kinda easy and also my personal life was great, but starting at 8th grade I lost that "spark", that smart kid had flourished away, now i was just that kid. But however, i really didn't mind being that... i was happy... or at least in school, i liked being there, i had fun hanging out with my friends, but i was also a bit sad, not gonna lie, my parents never really told me anything "negative" about me not doing to well in school, but i knew they were disappointed, and that kinda crushed me.So when i entered 10th grade i proposed to myself that i was gonna be smart again to prove to my parents, friends and all the people around the world that i was something (and because my dad was a teacher in that school and he told me i had to be an example), i wanted to be smart again.Everything was great, i changed schools ( although i really missed my friends), my teachers considered me one of the smartest... and i enjoyed that, not because i was the center of attention, but because finally someone was proud at me. Ill skip everything, until one day... i did a math exam, i really thought i did awesome but when they said out loud my grade... i froze... i heard people talking about me, which really broke me and caused me severe anxiety, cause they weren't saying really nice things, i stared at my exam speechless, disappointed, embarrassed... then my teacher stood in front of me and said: "What happend to you, Im really disappointed". Those word are still stuck to my head, at that moment i wanted to cry, i needed someone... a friend... but i dont have friends... real friends... those friends who actually care about you. Of my two "friends" (both of them are really smart, and some people consider us "rivals") one of them just pat me on my back and well... the other just made fun of me, and still makes fun of me because of that, but well, at the end of the day i managed to get a 9 (which is like a B, i think) because i had all of my works and homework perfect, but it still didnt feel right, i mean i had NEVER (in that year) had gotten a 9, i always had 10 ( which is like an A) in every subject, so a 9 for me was not really good. And that was a really "traumatic" moment for me, i remember crying for days...but soon got over it and managed to get 10 for the rest of the year.Now im in 11th year, am i doing well in school now? My answer would be no, i only have managed to get 8 (which is like a C), and 9... but not a single 10.The reason why i am writing this is because of what happend to me today, October 06 2020, well it all started yesterday, i did a math exam ( ugh, dont you just love math) and since the moment i started to do it, i knew that i was gonna, excuse my language, fuck up, i didn't understand anything, i was terrified about what my parents were gonna think about me, from being proud of me to being disappointed in me. Today i went to school, and my teacher started to say out loud the grades, and when he got to me, i knew what he was gonna say, he stood in front of me and said: "-my name-, you failed the exam". He shook his head and continued giving out the grades, everybody looked at me, i felt like i was about to cry, but i didn't want people to make fun of me or see me weak, so i just put my exam in my backpack and tried to think of something happy, but i couldn't, all i could think about was the that phrase that had haunted me for months "Im disappointed in you" and what my parents would think about me. Of course both of my friends got an A, as i saw ones exam, i could just imagined how proud they would make there parents, unlike me. But of course one of my other "friend" (who make fun of me), came to me as i was leaving and with this huge smirk on his face, he said: "Oh, how did you do on your exam", as if he hadn't heard the teacher yell that i faild my exam, i got so angry but managed to keep myself together, so i just rolled my eyes and left. In my way back home, my friends parents took me, i was trying my best to hold my tears, luckily i didnt cry in there car, but as soon as they dropped me of, i turned around and said goodbye, and when i heard them left, my tears stared to burst out, but i hold them back again because i had to enter into my house and i didn't have the courage to tell anyone that i... failed... So when i got home i went straight to the bathroom and cried as quietly as i could, but i only could cry for about 3 minutes because i needed to enter my next class that was online, so i washed my face and sat down, turned on my laptop and entered my class, but as soon as they started to began, my tears wanted to burst out again, i really needed to clear my thoughts. I dont have a friend i can really trust, or someone that can hear me right now, so here i am... writing this while im in my class... unaware on what im going to do...

Im what people consider smart... but am i really? You see, when i was in 1-7th grade i was really smart, and it was kinda easy and also my personal life was great, but starting at 8th grade I lost that "spark", that smart kid had flourished away, now i was just that kid. But however, i really didn't mind being that... i was happy... or at least in school, i liked being there, i had fun hanging out with my friends, but i was also a bit sad, not gonna lie, my parents never really told me anything "negative" about me not doing to well in school, but i knew they were disappointed, and that kinda crushed me.So when i entered 10th grade i proposed to myself that i was gonna be smart again to prove to my parents, friends and all the people around the world that i was something (and because my dad was a teacher in that school and he told me i had to be an example), i wanted to be smart again.Everything was great, i changed schools ( although i really missed my friends), my teachers considered me one of the smartest... and i enjoyed that, not because i was the center of attention, but because finally someone was proud at me. Ill skip everything, until one day... i did a math exam, i really thought i did awesome but when they said out loud my grade... i froze... i heard people talking about me, which really broke me and caused me severe anxiety, cause they weren't saying really nice things, i stared at my exam speechless, disappointed, embarrassed... then my teacher stood in front of me and said: "What happend to you, Im really disappointed". Those word are still stuck to my head, at that moment i wanted to cry, i needed someone... a friend... but i dont have friends... real friends... those friends who actually care about you. Of my two "friends" (both of them are really smart, and some people consider us "rivals") one of them just pat me on my back and well... the other just made fun of me, and still makes fun of me because of that, but well, at the end of the day i managed to get a 9 (which is like a B, i think) because i had all of my works and homework perfect, but it still didnt feel right, i mean i had NEVER (in that year) had gotten a 9, i always had 10 ( which is like an A) in every subject, so a 9 for me was not really good. And that was a really "traumatic" moment for me, i remember crying for days...but soon got over it and managed to get 10 for the rest of the year.Now im in 11th year, am i doing well in school now? My answer would be no, i only have managed to get 8 (which is like a C), and 9... but not a single 10.The reason why i am writing this is because of what happend to me today, October 06 2020, well it all started yesterday, i did a math exam ( ugh, dont you just love math) and since the moment i started to do it, i knew that i was gonna, excuse my language, fuck up, i didn't understand anything, i was terrified about what my parents were gonna think about me, from being proud of me to being disappointed in me. Today i went to school, and my teacher started to say out loud the grades, and when he got to me, i knew what he was gonna say, he stood in front of me and said: "-my name-, you failed the exam". He shook his head and continued giving out the grades, everybody looked at me, i felt like i was about to cry, but i didn't want people to make fun of me or see me weak, so i just put my exam in my backpack and tried to think of something happy, but i couldn't, all i could think about was the that phrase that had haunted me for months "Im disappointed in you" and what my parents would think about me. Of course both of my friends got an A, as i saw ones exam, i could just imagined how proud they would make there parents, unlike me. But of course one of my other "friend" (who make fun of  me), came to me as i was leaving and with this huge smirk on his face, he said: "Oh, how did you do on your exam", as if he hadn't heard the teacher yell that i faild my exam, i got so angry but managed to keep myself together, so i just rolled my eyes and left. In my way back home, my friends parents took me, i was trying my best to hold my tears, luckily i didnt cry in there car, but as soon as they dropped me of, i turned around and said goodbye, and when i heard them left, my tears stared to burst out, but i hold them back again because i had to enter into my house and i didn't have the courage to tell anyone that i... failed... So when i got home i went straight to the bathroom and cried as quietly as i could, but i only could cry for about 3 minutes because i needed to enter my next class that was online, so i washed my face and sat down, turned on my laptop and entered my class, but as soon as they started to began, my tears wanted to burst out again, i really needed to clear my thoughts. I dont have a friend i can really trust, or someone that can hear me right now, so here i am... writing  this while im in my class... unaware on what im going to do...