I don’t exactly know where to start. I don’t even know where it truly has began. My mother is an alcoholic who has abused and neglected 4 children. She told one of her kids to kill themselves and they did. She broke my sisters arm when she was only 4 and she has now turned one of my sisters into an alcohol and drug addict.I am the youngest of the sisters so up until the age of 9 i was her favourite; i had all the attention and love a child needed but still witnessed someone i love be so cruel and manipulative. She told me constantly when i was young that she was going to leave me and kill herself and as a child i never understood that it was wrong of her to do. I used to fear her leaving the house everyday. As i became older she abandoned me. She ripped away all her love and affection and left me. She decided that she didn’t have to pay for anything like my bras or underwear and if she did i owed her. I lived in clothes that i have had for over 2 years and were too small. She started to hit me for small things and get into fights constantly over small things. When i say small things i mean a razor. She literally got into a fight with me over a razor. She constantly said she would disown me if i disrespected my step dad. I said that he wasn’t my dad and he has no right to lay a finger on me as he dragged me out of a room for slamming a door once and she said she’d disown me. In November this year i moved to my sisters because i could not deal with her abuse and neglect for much longer. In 8 months she didn’t try to contact me. Not once did she get in contact in 8 months. She always painted my dad to be this horrible person. He was a devil is what she would tell me but he is the purest man i’ve ever met. I recently found out that he isn’t my biological farther and in finding that out my mother said i was a horrible daughter and said ‘you don’t deserve to know’ and got in my face and i could see that she was about to hit me. I just stood there and took the abuse. I then left. It has been 3 months since this has happened. She blocked me on all social media. This time period has been the worst my mental health has ever been. I tried to commit suicide twice but failed and after doing so i forgot. I forgot that i almost died because i didn’t care for my life anymore. I still don’t. I still want to die and to be honest i don’t know why i’m still trying to live. I do have good days but mainly bad days. I’ve started hearing and seeing things that aren’t there and it’s making me go crazy. I’ve had 6 mental breakdowns in the last 4 days. I feel insane. I keep putting on this mask of being strong and happy to everyone around me but it’s hard. The smallest things make me loose my mind. Anytime i get angry or scared i completely loose myself and attack the people around me. It brings me back to living at my mums and not many people understand that. All my friends have perfect family’s. Their parents are still together and happy and they have normal people things to worry about. I am sixteen and i am worrying about affording shampoos and conditioners and wether or not i will have a place to live tomorrow. She called me 2 days ago. I saw it and i broke down. I saw her name and lols on my phone and hid under my bed and cried. She left a voicemail saying ‘Hey sweetheart, how are you? I hope we can catch up soon. I love you and i will call you tomorrow.’ Where the fuck is the apology. I am sorry for ruining your life and making you feel this way. She won’t take accountability for anything she has caused. Even when my sister was in the hospital for trying to kill herself she made the whole thing about her and told everyone including the nurses that she did it for attention and do you know what makes it so much worse. THE NURSES FUCKING BELIEVED THAT AWFUL FUCKING WOMAN. I have been stuck in a dark place for such a long time. I hate my mother. But she didn’t call back and i am annoyed that she didn’t. I hate myself for feeling bad and feeling like i want a relationship with her.