I wanted to try again, to be able to go back to what my life was before, but I failed and now I'm worse. I was in a really toxic relationship with a girl who treated me like a toy, she cheated on me too many times, and every time I forgave her. She told me that I wasn't worth it, only to tell me later that she was sorry and didn't want to get away from me. She yelled at me, made me shut up when I was talking too much. It was like this for two long years. She was the first partner I had. After I broke up with her, I felt better about not having to worry anymore, but the feeling that someone I trusted so much had betrayed me so many times was felt afterwards, it was like a delayed effect. I did not leave my house for 11 months, only for specific things. I felt that I was worthless, that the fact that she treated me like this was my fault. I neglected my body and my health. A year passed after that situation ended, I still felt empty, but at least it didn't hurt anymore. A friend that my ex-girlfriend was jealous of started talking to me. I had always liked her, since I met her about 4 years ago, but seeing that she would not be interested in someone like me, I let time pass. But now she's back, with memories of when we first met. I took that like she just came to remember our past friendship and nothing else, but I started to like her again. She was perfect, she treated me well and she was always nice to me. She surprised me many times by the things that she did, things that my ex-girlfriend did not do. I fell in love again, I felt again that the world made sense again. I felt for the first time in a year that maybe the problem was not me, but the wrong person. We went to a meeting with few friends (not many, because of covid), she drank some alcohol and so did I. She was going to get her glasses, so I asked her if she wanted me to help her look for them inside the house, which she answered with a yes. We went in and I started looking around the room. She at one point closed the curtains, suddenly it was dark. She slowly approached me with clear intentions. At that moment I did not know how to react, she was my friend, and I did not know that she felt those things for me. But evidently I relented and we kissed. I did not know what to say or how to react. With that kiss she confessed everything she felt. I'm very insecure, so I asked her if she wasn't too drunk or something, because I didn't want to misinterpret things. She told me that she was very sure of what she was doing, and it was what she wanted. Days went by, we went out a few times and we had a lot of fun. We talked about how we felt and I confessed everything, that I was in love with her for a long time but I didn't know how to tell her. She laughed because she didn't believe me. Anyway, we started dating. I felt like my life was coming back again. I started going out for a walk and exercising, I went back to playing guitar and singing like I did, everything was going well. A few weeks ago she had to go on a trip, so she wouldn't see her for a while. She is coming back in about two weeks, and I started preparing a Christmas present for her and practicing a song that I have always wanted to dedicate to her. But ... a few weeks ago I stopped playing and finishing the gift I had for her. She told me that she needed some time because she felt bad, to which I obviously replied that it was fine, that she could talk to me anytime she wanted, since I was there for her. I went about my business until I saw that she was apparently talking to a guy. Then I remembered that she told me that she didn't want to talk to anyone, but there she was, talking to him every day, while I waited for her message telling me that she already felt better or something. I realized just when I wanted to call her to see how she was feeling, since I was worried about her. But seeing that, seeing that she lied to me, like my ex-girlfriend did, made me regret calling her. Now I discovered that apparently she is with him, they like each other and they look happy calling and talking every night. I know because she hasn't bothered to hide it, she uploads daily stories about him. Why didn't she tell me? I would have understood if she liked someone else ... but why would she kiss me, make me feel good, dating for some months and then leave me in less than 3 days for someone else. In three days she thought that I was not enough for her to throw all of this away? What did I do wrong? Am I too ugly? Doesn't she like my personality? I feel like I'm worse now than before, the trust I had in myself is completely dissolved. I've never felt so bad for so long, I've been like this for a few weeks now, I don't feel good to do anything, that I'm useless and worthless. I sleep all day, I don't go out and I've put everything aside. I am very aware that it is not good to feel like this, but it's like I have no strength for anything, my self-esteem is on the ground, and I have no one to talk to other than this anonymous medium. I'm lost again, I don't know what to do ...

I wanted to try again, to be able to go back to what my life was before, but I failed and now I'm worse. I was in a really toxic relationship with a girl who treated me like a toy, she cheated on me too many times, and every time I forgave her. She told me that I wasn't worth it, only to tell me later that she was sorry and didn't want to get away from me. She yelled at me, made me shut up when I was talking too much. It was like this for two long years. She was the first partner I had. After I broke up with her, I felt better about not having to worry anymore, but the feeling that someone I trusted so much had betrayed me so many times was felt afterwards, it was like a delayed effect. I did not leave my house for 11 months, only for specific things. I felt that I was worthless, that the fact that she treated me like this was my fault. I neglected my body and my health.A year passed after that situation ended, I still felt empty, but at least it didn't hurt anymore. A friend that my ex-girlfriend was jealous of started talking to me. I had always liked her, since I met her about 4 years ago, but seeing that she would not be interested in someone like me, I let time pass. But now she's back, with memories of when we first met. I took that like she just came to remember our past friendship and nothing else, but I started to like her again. She was perfect, she treated me well and she was always nice to me. She surprised me many times by the things that she did, things that my ex-girlfriend did not do. I fell in love again, I felt again that the world made sense again. I felt for the first time in a year that maybe the problem was not me, but the wrong person.We went to a meeting with few friends (not many, because of covid), she drank some alcohol and so did I. She was going to get her glasses, so I asked her if she wanted me to help her look for them inside the house, which she answered with a yes. We went in and I started looking around the room. She at one point closed the curtains, suddenly it was dark. She slowly approached me with clear intentions. At that moment I did not know how to react, she was my friend, and I did not know that she felt those things for me. But evidently I relented and we kissed. I did not know what to say or how to react. With that kiss she confessed everything she felt. I'm very insecure, so I asked her if she wasn't too drunk or something, because I didn't want to misinterpret things. She told me that she was very sure of what she was doing, and it was what she wanted.Days went by, we went out a few times and we had a lot of fun. We talked about how we felt and I confessed everything, that I was in love with her for a long time but I didn't know how to tell her. She laughed because she didn't believe me. Anyway, we started dating. I felt like my life was coming back again. I started going out for a walk and exercising, I went back to playing guitar and singing like I did, everything was going well. A few weeks ago she had to go on a trip, so she wouldn't see her for a while. She is coming back in about two weeks, and I started preparing a Christmas present for her and practicing a song that I have always wanted to dedicate to her. But ... a few weeks ago I stopped playing and finishing the gift I had for her. She told me that she needed some time because she felt bad, to which I obviously replied that it was fine, that she could talk to me anytime she wanted, since I was there for her. I went about my business until I saw that she was apparently talking to a guy. Then I remembered that she told me that she didn't want to talk to anyone, but there she was, talking to him every day, while I waited for her message telling me that she already felt better or something. I realized just when I wanted to call her to see how she was feeling, since I was worried about her. But seeing that, seeing that she lied to me, like my ex-girlfriend did, made me regret calling her. Now I discovered that apparently she is with him, they like each other and they look happy calling and talking every night. I know because she hasn't bothered to hide it, she uploads daily stories about him. Why didn't she tell me? I would have understood if she liked someone else ... but why would she kiss me, make me feel good, dating for some months and then leave me in less than 3 days for someone else. In three days she thought that I was not enough for her to throw all of this away? What did I do wrong? Am I too ugly? Doesn't she like my personality? I feel like I'm worse now than before, the trust I had in myself is completely dissolved. I've never felt so bad for so long, I've been like this for a few weeks now, I don't feel good to do anything, that I'm useless and worthless. I sleep all day, I don't go out and I've put everything aside. I am very aware that it is not good to feel like this, but it's like I have no strength for anything, my self-esteem is on the ground, and I have no one to talk to other than this anonymous medium. I'm lost again, I don't know what to do ...