i really don’t care if anyone reads this you know, I know I wouldn’t, but I think this will be good for me.Now I have struggled with my sexuality up until today, I have always felt like it was staging it whenever I was about to “come out” just for attention, but the whole thing has always freaked me out. I hated being out into a label, it was to much pressure most the time with friends and family. As of now I am still questioning but I guess you can imagine how confusing that is still. During this time, I’m not sure when, but it was a couple years ago,I started to have feelings for my best friend. At first I didn’t think much of it, it was the little things like how she laughed at my jokes or the way she smiled slightly when I asked her a dumb question, all of those things suddenly became the highlight of my day or even my week. Time went by, and (I was still a bit unsure at this time) she told me when we first met she actually had a crush on me, I was overjoyed before she went on to say she just felt pressured to like someone at the time, and I was one of her closes friends so she chose me. That broke me a little bit, but as of a couple months ago, we had a conversation about sexuality, she wanted help to find what she was and I helped her through it. She came to the conclusion that she was straight but asexual. I don’t know why I didn’t stop loving her after that, I knew I had no chance, but I still imagined us going off together in a van remade into a tiny house, exploring the states, always together. I still thought It could happen I guess, a false hope I held on to. As of today she is now dating a friend of ours. It’s the first person she said she has ever had feelings for and to be honest I do think they are perfect together. I wish I was him, he can get closer to her then I was able to and all I can do is watch it happen right? I don’t want to let her go but now I know there really is no chance. Hah god I needed that, uh thank you for this