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a thousand ways to dead

I don't think I'm blameless. If you look around and think everyone is an asshole, then they say it's you. You are the asshole. And I agree. But I also think two people can be wrong at the same time. Or five. There's really no limit. I think I've been an asshole here but a lot have other people have also been assholes.

So the question---it's always the question---is what next? I have lost my glasses over and over for three days. Is that a symbol? My mom took my knife from me because she thinks I thinks I need it to kill myself. I don't. I know thousands of ways to kill a man. I'd be dead right now if that was my choice. Nobody could stop me. But I let her take the knife.