Time Spent- 4m
10 Visitors

A Vicious Circle

Today I gambled away 200$. Ive lost my job to the Covid 19 Pandemic and my employer no longer exists. I went 3 months without gambling. I spent those three months building a poolwith a deck for my family. I went out the door this morning with all the intention to buy some hanging plants and a nice sun shade for the pool area. I was driving behind a Gold Caravan when all of the sudden I was turning right. Off Main Street I stopped at a bar. I find myslef leaving the bar having spent the $200. These feelongs of guilt and shame stick to me as I sit in my car. Thoughts of my Wife's pain hit me in my gut. I went straight home to tell my Wife what I had done. She keeps it together for the afternoon, then I catch a tear rolling down her cheek. I ask whats wrong as if I don't know. She says it hurts the most that I have to feel this way. Selfish, Depressed, Anxious, Frustrated. Whats wrong with me?