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Abuse

My father is emotionally and mentally abusive and I have no way to escape. I want to end it but I know I can’t do that because then I wouldn’t get to see what the world has to offer. It’s only a few years left in the hell hole of a house but once I can escape it will be more worth it. I won’t be told to be prettier but also it’s my fault I get sexually harassed on the réguler because I dress to well for my body type and the boys drool over me. I’m tired of him telling me that it’s all my fault. Despite having never done anything. I’m more responsible than him. He doesn’t do any chores. He doesn’t cook or take care of the dogs or drive me anywhere and as soon as he gets home he ignores me unless he wants to pick a fight with me or my sister. It’s gotten so bad I’ll flinch after I hear any loud noises because it reminds me of when he’s yelling at me telling me how much of a failure I am and the only reason he doesn’t hit me is because I’m his daughter and he loves me. He only cares about something if it affects him. HE DIDNT LET ME TAKE MEDICATION because it’s a waste of him money. I’m sorry that ever since I can remember I’ve said it would be better if u wasn’t here. I would try to bash my head into walls in kindergarten. My teacher would have to stop me sometimes. But I would always think I deserve this punishment. He didn’t give me a good enough one( “only taking away all contact to friends family for a month and if I told anyone he would get mad at me”) so I would hit myself and scratch my arms but when I did it was for attention. If anyone’s played danganronpa I feel like Mikan. So pathetic that I can’t state my opinion and shake when I have to talk to boys because they either harassed me and nothing gets done about it or get yelled at by my dad. I just wanna curl up in a ball and die. I’m not religious but I’ve preyed to god to kill me please but he hasn’t. And I know there has to be a reason but it’s just so hard right now and I’m hanging on for dear life. But I can feel my strength the longer he’s at work. Because the further away from me he is the better my attitude. I can’t wait to leave and have already started asking around my friends to see if I need to run where can I stay. My moms working TWO JOBS right now and even she does some chores around the house. But my dads lazy ass can’t seem to care. He hasn’t told her he loves her in years and only tells me and my sister that when he’s done yelling at us and wants to be done with it so we will do as he asks. For once I can’t wait for school to start even if it’s rona time so I will have to deal with him less