abuse? i dunno what to even think about even more

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my dad has always not been so nice to me. sure, when i was younger he wasn’t so mean sense i was like 5, but after that he started getting meaner, especially when i was 10. he always guilts and shames me for not wanting to do music, he calls me names like “bitch” and “liar” if i do something “wrong”. he has hurt me in the past, physically as well. he choked me once, almost killing me so he could stop me. he should’ve grabbed my arms. he shamed me because i don’t go outside much, he calls me lazy and a few times he called me a slob, it hurts my feelings. he hurts me to the point of me feeling depressed, self harming just so i don’t have to take my feelings out on him. one day i went to the hospital, and he compared my behavior to a mentally unstable child in the hallway, i had a panic attack at school, not banging my head on the walls, not lying to people. is this abuse? i don’t even know what to think anymore.

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