I dont know how i am at this stage where i feel that having affection for someone is not really worth the time . Like whenever i thought about this person i feel happy ,i want to be with person, talk to this person more and more and sometimes i get the same in return . But when I look at my life i have been failing at everything . It's like i lost my purpose . I am someone who was always seen as a bright student but where i am now it feels like I'm nothing. I have lost my identity, my friends, my family, my goals too maybe. And this affection is something that I blame the most. Might be when someone falls they look for reason , they look for someone to blame to but I am not blaming the person . It's just what I feel for the person is really worth the time i gave when I know this person will not be permanent in my life. Something which started as a trial is coming to an end and I realised it long back that it was temporary and should have moved on but I wasn't able to do that. Are these things really under one's control. We look for the answer on the net how to control our emotions, how to move on in life, how to remaiy motivated when we know it won't help . Only by talking to someone , having a friend or family could help but we lose them in this process of finding someone which is made for you. I think everyone is equally fucked up but no one wants to talk that's why everyone is lonely and where we find a bit of attention we move that way and that's are biggest flaw . We should lose our roots our strength to make someone else our strength. I guess affection for someone is important but not at the cost of one's career or respect.