crying
feel
love
guilt

Again

Time Spent- 55m
18 Visitors

These past few days I`ve been crying at night silently the fact is I blame my self HAHA HAHA but you know what I was announced as an Honor student last Friday 2/26/21 it was great my dad and mom congratulated me but that time I felt happy being you know an awardee I get to experience having a Family but , night comes I brokedown crying and screamed without making a noise, all I felt was my heart aching and the cold air , I was so fine a few months ago but no I don`t now Ias supposed to write a story in wattapd but I lost motivation that I didn`t know where to start , I lost my fucking self-esteem I`m so fucking insecured about my body because the dark scars on my legs and arms , I can`t feel the real me ,I don`t eve know my self anymore ,I rarely express my love to the people around me but, I feel guilt not showing it but I don`t know how to express it , my bestfriend check up on me the other day if I was fine I said "yeah I`m good." but you know I`m really okay I just don`t want to bother her cause she`s also not okay but she`s getting through I guess , you I envy her having a body confidence parents being beside her although her parents fought quite a lot but still . my friends have complete families but not as happy , atleast they`re beside them ............ last night my mom called and said that her boss told her she won`t be getting permanent in her job that all the hard work she putted didn`t get worth it , my plans and wishes are fucked up Fate in deadass playing with me rn , why can`t I just be happy for once for fucks sakeI know I`m not a good person nor a bad one but just why, can`t my whys and whats if`s be asnwered , I tgought about kiling my self last night bu I didn`t do it I wasn`t in my sense so I just layed down and continued crying . I`m 12 lol but why do I don`t get to experience what I am supposed to . I know some of you think "Oh she just want attention" tsk . why`d I thought of that well y`all have your own insights about this I`ll type in my wish maybe somehow knows it you know






My wishes ;


  1. My mom getting to be married to someone who will love her and me that we can live happy `actually having double thought abt this` anyways
  2. my mom being succesful even though she`s in her 30`s already , like finacially stable
  3. live in america washington
  4. be a successful lawyer
  5. ?

I don`t know yet



well I hope you guys a good luck I love you

-Eunoia