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am i a bad child ?

i always end up blaming myself whenever i fight with my parents even for my freedom and i yell back at them and enter a hell loop for a whole month sometimes months of me faking happiness around people when deep down i my insides are tearing apart . i know they love me and want whats best for me and that i was not an easy child to deal with nor a teenager and that i have no right to yell but every small talk becomes a bunch of loud voices thrown around with us and i feel like its always my mistake that it is like that but im really struggling with where i stand in this world and i need them to understand or at least let me open up to them