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Am I a bad person?

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I met this guy while I was with someone that I had been with off and on for 5 years, and I ended up ending things with this guy, lets call him Steve and started to talk to the other guy, lets call him Carl. I honestly broke up with Steve because for the five years we were together I was probably happy one of the years, because like every couple we had our problems and one of the problems we had was Steve's drug addiction. Well anyways I talked to Carl for over a year while Steve was wanting to get back with me, but I just didn't see any changes. Carl had a girlfriend when we first started messing around and he had told me they broke up. I found out the day after we had sex that they were still together and it should have bothered me but it didn't I just wanted to be with Carl. Well Carl and his girlfriend ended up breaking up right at the time I started dating Steve again. But I am a terrible person because I went to see Carl while I was with Steve only once though and Carl kissed me a kiss that has lingered on my lips since the day it happened and its been 6 months, as I left Carl's house he snapped me and said maybe we shouldn't see each other and just be friends, I replied with how wrong it was for us to even be friends because I had made it known to Carl that I had feelings for him and he kind of told me he had feelings for me but was so hidden that he wouldn't let me know exactly how he felt so I just assumed he didn't. Well 2 months went by without us talking and one day out of the blue Carl snapped me again and I was still upset that he wouldn't just express his feelings to me because he wouldn't tell me he wanted to be with me and wouldn't tell me he didn't want to be with me. So I was rude. He deleted me after that and now he is back with his ex. I wish he would have picked me, I wish he was the one I was laying next to every night. I wish I could escape from this relationship and I can't because I am to afraid to let Steve down or maybe to afraid to be alone. I want nothing more than to have Carl hold me one more time or feel his lips against mine or his hands holding my face. I miss him so much and I don't know if I should reach out to him or just leave him alone. I know he isn't happy with his girlfriend and I am not happy with my boyfriend I just think he is afraid of change and is to comfortable to leave. Maybe that is my problem, or maybe he never loved me. All I do is think about him. Am I a bad person?





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