My "problem" is that
I have a best friend who has a secret twitter account (its public but he doesnt shares it with the people he knows in real life and in that acc he complains about "how bad it would be if someone of his irls found it out")
And somehow i found his username and he doesnt know that i know.
The thing is that sometimes i like to stalk him because there is where he talks about his life and opinions with no filter and im very insecure and i need to check if he complains about me, just so i can know how i can change my behavoirs.
At first i just stalked him after we talked to see if i said something wrong but now i cant stop doing it (not only because of the insecurity thing, also i just got used to see his tweets and i dont know why but i feel kinda bad when i spend one day without knowing about him because we dont talk everyday and idk i miss him. Also i know this sounds weird and stupid but i love knowing things about other peoples lives and basically i love the tea and the gossips)
Because of all of that i feel like a bad person, cause i basically feel like if i was reading his secret diary without consent (even if the account is public).
I feel very very guilty and im afraid that he will be mad at me if he realises everything ive done. Im trying to stop because now i realised how bad it is but i cant change what ive already done so i feel like a terrible person who deserves no friends.
Im not trying to excuse myself but i never did that with the itention of hurt him, i tryied to stop checking that fucking account a lot of times but for some reason i just cant. Almost everytime we talk i feel very anxious and i think im doing something wrong so i need to see if he posted something about me, and when im procrastinating my brain tells me that is a good moment to stalk and see the what is happening in his life and idk why but its very hard hard for me to stop that impulse. I dont know why im so needy of doing this everytime i can, I really really want to stop but i cant.
What do you think about this situation? Please answer me if you can, i need opinions and advices and i cant tell this "problem" to any of my irls because they will probably think that im a creepy stalker and/or a bad person.
Ps sorry for my english im russian