Am i a bitch ?

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So i had this friend ive been friends with her for 8 years. Life separated us for like 2 years, and we kinda grew far apart as i met new people and made new friends which im still friends with. 2 years ago I met this girl she was just.. so interesting and i started talking to her more and more everyday and i just kinda fell in love with her ? not even like just as a friend i really thought i was bi or something thats how much i liked the girl, but im not attracted to her at all. So lets call the 8 year friend o, so o kept coming to class and we werent there cuz most of the time were just out so she waits for us and then we dont really come back and she started feeling like a third wheel. Me and o had alot of issues which i hated because i love them both but.. im not gonna lie i love that girl more which makes me feel so so so guilty because me and o went through alot and we've been friends for like 8 years ? and we just started fighting alot now and our friendship completely went down the drain. O always felt sad whenever i talked to (R that girl) and i tried to like not talk to R as much ? trying to fix the situation but i just felt sad both me and R did, and kinda got annoyed at her too cuz she kept being jealous and it was just not good at all. So a year after now me and O kinda got distant but not really ? shes in the same class as i am in now R

too. O got a lot of new friends and stuff but i just have R as my only healthy friendship, mind you im in a group of 8 "friends" and i only have 1 healthy one. And now O is trying to fix the friendship again but i just dont know if it will even work out cuz things between us are just so awkward i cant even call her.. like it aint good at all. And i just dont know what to do, i feel like such a bitch because i dont like her as much ? O keeps telling me that she misses me and stuff but shes not that true to her word like.. if she really does then why not talk to me more and act like u do ? most of the time i just feel like im carrying the conversation and i feel like she doesnt want to talk. Im just confused someone help.