I have been reluctant to say this outside of my head but I'm getting so numb it's all just a game. I can play the keys how ever I want and no one stops me. I feel bad for lying and the only reason I don't is because of it, but if I didn't have a heart I could really get almost anyone to do what I wanted. I know how it sounds so I will say it I am not a sociopath, I care about people. I care to much and it is one of the many reasons I am getting numb. I can read people. I can look them in the eyes and read their emotions and see who they are. I can track their breathing and tell you how they are feeling that day. I can just read people. Can anyone else do this? I have heard abused people can do this, so it makes sense but it's odd.
But it's just so odd how I can just play the dumb girl and everyone just believes it. I'm not stuipd, everyone has the same amount of intelligence really it's just what you put your mind to. But with stuff like my homework I wait tell the last minute of the trimester and can still get it all done, get a B in the class. It's all just a game and the only thing that keeps me in check is me. I can't tell whether this is good or bad. But it's a little scary either way.