I can't remember the last time I was actually happy and not just content. Don't get me wrong, I've been happy for other people but it feels like my life is always the same. I smoke weed almost everyday and without it I just feel such a looming sense of failure, like I'm a fuck up who won't ever make my parents proud. They keep telling me I need to go to college but I don't know if I can tell them that I hate the thought of going. I want to be a chef but let's be honest, thats just another thing to add to the long long list of "This is what I wanna be when I grow up". Well I'm grown up and here I am; 18 without a job, failing the few classes I need to pass to graduate. I always tell myself there's no way I could be depressed, Ive had what many would consider a perfect childhood, my parents are still together, I've never gone to bed hungry, I have videogames galore and a very nice computer as well.. so why do I feel so goddamn unfulfilled. All I want in life is to be happy, I used to focus on the pursuit of money but it is as they say, money can't buy happiness, only stuff and the happiness you get from stuff isn't real, It's temporary, it's just a burst of chemicals going off in the brain. I want to be truly content with my life, I want to be in a relationship, but if I can't even take the time or effort to fix myself and make myself happy what the hell makes me think that I'd be able to handle having to make another person happy as well. Sometimes I feel like it would just be easier to go into the woods and just escape from all this crap, just start a new life where I don't have to worry about jobs or bosses or college of any of that. I can just be one with nature and forget that all my problems exist. So am I depressed? Maybe, but I do know that I have it alot better than some people so I guess that's enough.
a month ago
Re: Am I depressed?
i think you should go diagnose that bc i feel like theres a big possibility you are, i wouldnt know though bc im also in a similar situation where everyday feels the same and i just want to escape from reality but i recommend taking small steps maybe try a rehab program to stop smoking or replace the smoking with something like gum next focus on your self try talking to more people who can help you like a therapist :) focus on yourself then figure out what you wanna do ok? maybe take a break from school if you can
childhood does play a big part for most people but not all just bc you had what seems like a "perfect childhood" doesnt mean you suffer from the same mental health issues