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Am I weird

So I am 20 years old now and I am so single all my life. So I want to go on a date and have relationship but I have seen so many bad relationship like my best friend blind by love and can't see her boyfriend cheating on her. But sometimes I wasn't to have a boyfriend so much but I push the guy away that liked me we were in contact for 1 whole year he waited for 6 month to get my number and 2 more month to talk on phone now we are not in contact much, he is not my type at all but deep down I kinda miss him but I don't know what these feeling is I wait for his text and call but i don't want to date him. What is these feeling?