I had a difficult time making friends when I was younger. I tried so hard to get kids to like me. I was such an ass kisser. I would give them snacks, share my pencils and pens which they would steal or 'accidently' break, and I would even give them my allowance if they 'needed' anything from the canteen. This never did anything in my favor. I was verbally and physically harassed by my classmates. It was a back and forth thing with them; one minute they were nice and the next minute they're trying to push me down some stairs. I was so naïve back then, I would forgive them so easily when they started to be nice again. This lasted for 6 years. When I was around eleven, I started to not give a shit. I was mute to everyone. My last year in that school was the best cause I knew I could escape from those people soon. But what they did to me really affected how I carried myself. I am always negative, always cautious of everyone and everything. I left that school believing that I couldn't trust anyone and no one has proven me wrong, or at least I won't let them. Throughout high school, I couldn't maintain any friendships. I would find myself distancing from a person for no reason. I would just stop talking to them and that friendship would end. I remembered being so confused about what I was feeling most of the time. I couldn't be happy for long; especially with the negative thoughts that was always there. Even when I was laughing or smiling I would question my emotions. One person even used to point out that my laugh and smile seemed fake. They broke the mask I wore and I distanced myself more. I'm in college now and I still have difficulty maintaining relationships. I'm always distancing myself for no reason and now I have no one to trust, not even myself.