When you finally realize that your life has ZERO meaning - what is the next step?
I have no friends, i have nowhere to go if anything should ever happen.
My mind wanders everywhere. How did this become reality? How did it go from fun and excitement to hatred and anger? Where did I choose this path? Why? Am I lost forever?
What do i contribute if anything at all to anything at all? The days go by and the same things happen - watch youtube play a game - waste my life daily. Is a wasted life and wasted existence even living?? How long ago did i truly die?
Kelley strives to help me but Im not sure if there will EVER be anything that helps me... I am just lost and never to be found.
The only happiness i find in ANY day is when kell smiles and with the animals. This is happiness from them - they are happy... Yes it makes me smile and feel love toward kell and the animals daily, but this is not my happiness - i dont know where to find that.
Today I deleted ALL social media - i dont have friends anyway - i dont talk to my family - not sure they really care at all - they might - but it does not concern me if they dont... i wouldnt care about me either...
The true conclusion is that I will waste away everyday - not really accomplishing anything... The worst thing to be born with is potential - there is nothing you can do but fail when this is the case. Remember “potential” is determined by others and not actually yourself.
So, for the next however many years, I have realized that the best is over.... there is nothing i can do to change that.
Yes I love kell and i want a happy life with her - ultimate goal for her to be happy - she is at least aware of how to be happy.
where is my happiness - gone? In the past?
Its all anger now.