I am so angry. No, I am extremely, utterly outraged. The last year I have made a friend that I really consider my currently best friend. In the way that I want to be around him and spend time and joke about and also I trust him and love him a lot. I feel him like family. This friendship has helped me shake up my everyday life, my communication style, my ideals and just everything in general. From the very first moment I met him, I felt so welcome. He introduced me to his friends and all and now we are all kind of like this beautiful self made family. So this is all great, only I have been feeling completely insecure in this friendship, we have had fights as well, so from quite early I had this strong fear of being abandoned by him because I have never had such a strong accepting friendship so fast and so intense. Usually I was the one who was more into the friendship and the other people were like lukewarm-y towards me until they found someone else to replace me. I honestly feel blessed, I was strongly suicidal before and now I just feel like I actually want to live. Not "i don't wanna die anymore so I guess I'll stick around", I actually, actively want to live. For the first time in my life I experience glimpses of happiness. So, what's the big deal? well, my friend is sort of insecure about whether or not I hold him as high as I claim to be (which just seems absurd to me) and that kind of pisses me off. Also, he is not the only best friend I have in my life, as I am not his only best friend in his life. We both have friendships with people that we have known for many many years. So, he has shown me signs of jealousy, being jealous of my bestie, a friend that I have had for a whole dozen of years before i met him. I find it unfair that he compares the friendship that we have with the friendship i have with my bestie. Just like I dont compare the friendship that we have to the one he has with his bestie. The other day I posted on social media something about my bestie because it was her birthday. After that he became a lil more distant. The thing is that he gets mad and starts acting passive aggressively and ignores my messages and all that and sometimes I dont understand when its him being passive aggressive and when its just his personality cause he generally tends to not reply right away or even opening the messages right away (he suffers from social anxiety). And I spend all day in my house, wondering if he's mad at me, waiting for him to reply my texts, and then I go into this rabbit hole of paranoia where I start thinking he's mad and he's gonna leave me like everyone else and if only I hadn't shown affection to my bestie in public then it would not have happened that, and then it goes even further where i regret ever meeting him and being happy because now I just can't go back to my old shitty life. It is torture.I have fought with so many people for him, including my own parents, and I have reached to the point where I don't know who to trust anymore. I doubt everything and everyone now. And that makes me outraged.Also, another thing that makes me totally outraged is that I know that I have done some major sacrifices for our friendship. I know myself and how I was and I can tell you for sure that I am so different now. He gets away with so many things. And to do that and then have him doubting the fact that he currently is my very bestest friend because I posted something nice about my bestie on her birthday on the internet its just.... it makes me feel as if I have done all that for nothing. And it's unfair and I can't stand it.