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Anyone who will listen

Anyone who will listen

I hate myself. I wake up and every single morning without fail, a little voice in my head reminds me of how worthless I am; how hideous I am; how stupid I am; how gross my body is; how socially awkward I am; how everyone seems to hate me or be annoyed by me - the list goes on. And it’s gotten to the point I really can’t take it anymore but I have no one I can turn to. I don’t want to turn to my friends because I don’t want to be that person who is constantly talking about how they hate themselves so instead I put on a completely happy and positive front so everyone believes I have absolutely no problems to begin with. I can’t turn to my mum or dad because they just don’t understand the concept of mental illness, they think they don’t exist and are only put on for attention (I really wish that was true and all this was for attention). And anytime I try to mention it to them, they just tell me I’m being silly. I just wish they could see inside my head for one day. I’m not sure why I’m writing this here, I think I just really need to tell someone and let it out of my system. I don’t know how to stop this little voice in my head but I really don’t want to go through my entire life constantly just hearing it in the back of my mind, it’s been getting worse and worse for about three years now. It makes me so self-conscious, so much so I can’t even speak in a lot of social settings because I don’t want anyone to even look at me because I don’t want them to see what I look like. I don’t know how to fix it. I just want to be able to go through life without hearing that little voice and just be able to enjoy myself and be happy and not care about what I look like or what other people think of me. I want to be able to appreciate my life because I know I’m so lucky and should be grateful for the body I have and the life I have but this voice really won’t let me do that. I really just want some help. 

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Re: Anyone who will listen

I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through this. It must've been so hard to get through that and I just wanted to let you know that I'm super proud of you. Super proud that you made it till here. Please take care of yourself, and vent to one of your close friends because I'm sure they'll understand that you cannot be happy and positive all the time, and once you let out your emotions, they'll be able to help you much better <3