When i was 9 my best friend Joseph had died, i was already getting bullied so much and was already so suicidal. my mother really is shit as i recently saw a medical document that said id been diagnosed with depression and she wouldn't let me get a therapist when i really needed one. so my friend died and i started doing the worst chain of events that i could've done. I started drinking Vodka, and beer, and even though i dont even like jack Daniels, i would drink it anyways just to try to cope. i tried LSD, i tried weed which i smoked for a decent amount, i tried vaping, i popped Xanax, and a bunch of more different drugs including crack. so i just started doing drugs and skipping schools to high school parties and getting completely drunk off my mind, because that was the only way i started to cope with his death. and then i kept getting bullied for my interests and i really should've listened to my best friend who told me not to change myself for others but i did and i hated every moment of it. anywhere from trying to be a perfect straight princess WAS THE WORST FUCKING THING IVE EVER TRIED, LIKE I WOULD RATHER GO BACK TO BEING A ALCHOLIC THAN THAT EVER FUCKING AGAIN. BY THIS I NOTICED I DONT LIKE HOW I LOOK, BUT I DO, BUT I HATE IT AS WELL CAUSE MY FACE DOSENT EVEN LOOK LIKE IT GOES WITH MY BODY SO I ENDED UP STARVING MYSELF AND BECAUSE I SMOKED CRACK I GENUINLY ACTUALLY LOOKED LIKE A 10 YEAR OLD CRACKHEAD.I LITTERALY TRIED CHANGING MY MUSIC TASTE JUST BECAUSE PEOPLE DIDNT LIKE WHAT I LISTENED TO, AND NOW WE ARE HERE WHERE MY NOW BEST FRIEND HAS SAVED MY LIFE, AND GOT ME CLEAN OFF SELF HARM, DRUGS, AND ALCHOL. theres something morbid about the times i was a alcholic, because i was very simular to my uncle, as in id have mental breakdowns while drunk and just throw myself on the floor and try to drink my sorrows away.