I don't really know hot to say this- But I have a few friends, but not many close ones. I love them all, but those few close ones mean the world to me. I love receiving attention from them, not in a romantic sense, but I just get all happy. At the moment I have only, or well had only one of those kinds of friends. And it's so stupid that I'm upset over it, they promised to call late in the night like we usually or have been doing for awhile now. So I waited. Once it was time I got back on and waited for them to show. I didn't want to tell them "call time!!" Or anything, because I kinda wanted them to initiate the call. Few minutes, and hour passes. And their online, but don't tell me anything. I make excuses to myself that maybe their tired, I shouldn't bother them, I'm being too emotional over this. But it hurts. It hurts so bad and I just don't know what or how to feel. I know I don't like this person romantically, I love them like a best friend. They told our gc they were going to bed and I felt upset. I went to bed, hoping in the morning they would send me a dm maybe of an apology or something, but when I woke up I didn't receive one. Again, I told myself I shouldn't get upset over something I wanted to expect, and tried to deal with those feelings until I saw them in a gc with some of our other friends. I didn't want to intrude, because I often felt like an outcast when I'm around them all, and them all being there made me anxious. So now I cut the person from my list of people of being too close to. I always hurt myself with this stuff, getting close to people and letting small things they do mess up our friendships and hurt my feelings. I wish I could stop, but these feelings are strong and hurt so much. They make me feel small, feel worthless. I'm never one for suicide, I'm scared of death actually. But sometimes I just wish I could be numb, or just never existed in the first place.