All I want from my life is to be a wife and a mother. The type of wife I would love to be is a house wife and a stay at home mom. I start my day with getting the kids up for school/the day. Make breakfast for them and my significant other. So on and so forth. Instead I am a woman with bipolar, which i feel is worse than I can describe to others. Even with meds, I still feel I just want it all to just stop and be done with it all. I have PCOS and am overweight; with a bad ankle, that needs surgery, it is hard to get the proper exercise. I have a temper when I get extremely upset. I don’t think I lash out very often. Instead I get so angry that I just cry. Which cycles back to my depression and then again to just wanting it all to end again. End of 2018 I finally caught the man I had been in love with since I was 16. He is an alcoholic. He now drinks every night 1 or 2 big cans, instead of a bottle of rum every few days. He now thinks he is in control of it instead of it controlling him. It effects him down below, but denies that it is because of the alcohol. I somewhat blame his mom. The stories I have been told make it look like she tried to be more of his friend instead of a parent. That doesn’t negate the fact that he is an adult and is responsible for his own choices. During the day or in between the nights he don’t drink, it feels possible for us to be happy and I can easily forget that he has a drinking problem, that he’s an alcoholic. I am so tired of trying to find my happy ending. As long as he don’t hit me or harm our pets. I will stay. Hitting is the line in the sand.