how Many creatures are out there in the world? A great number I know. But how many breads of human beings are there? In my society it’s married people and not married people. It was fine when other people looked at me as the poor girl who could not score a husband because people who are close to me knew all the shit I have been through to get to where I am today. They have been there for the almost engagement and the other engagement which happened but despite all my femininity (I’m an average girl who you can look at, I know I’m 6/10) the guy was gay. They were there when I tried to change my job but it didn’t work and I’m stuck in this dead end one. They witnessed me applying to PhD programs which i either rejected me or I couldn’t afford. Those people saw exactly what I was going through. I got to a stage in my life where I was like; fine, I’m 35, wont get married, don’t want someone to break my heart and most of all I did what I could towards myself. But after 13 years of friendship my best friend decided to leave me. To start with I admit that I’m not an angle and I think I was sick of the routine in our relationship, especially that we work together everyday, but I’m sick and tired of my own life. I just wanted something or someone new to happen in my life. When coronavirus hit, our working hours were decreased in half, spending time away from her gave me a peace of mind. Because I was away from her negativity, judgment and belittling everything. This year her birthday came when I was going through this rough time of me being sick of everything in my life including her. She was as ever not accepting gifts. She can give gifts but not receive them, it’s one of her many rules. For 13 years I couldn’t affect her one bit to change this rule or any other trait in her personality. I know hat you are going to say; no one can change anyone unless that person wants to. But I guess me being sick of her and all the other things around her made me loose all common sense and try just for once to see if anything of me rubbed on her. It was all sorts of wrongand it was bothering me. So I got her a silly gift(I know! I’m the bad one here), we took a 3 weeks break from work because of coronavirus and she stopped calling or texting and I wasn’t keen on going after her. After a push from our other best friend she sent me a 30min long voice message telling me why she was angry with me and that she wanted to end things. What bothered me is not her ending it but why she did. The gift of course was there and she has every right but what surprised me was the other reason. Apparently because I’m not married and I don’t have a man in my life, I was jealous of her because she was married and the guy that she was in love with (other than her husband) just came back to her life. She actually said that it’s not her fault that I was lonely and this man was back in her life as a grace from God. That i should not look at what other people have and be content with what I have got and that i should make my peace with not being married at all. The fact that I was going back to work with her after all of this is bothering me. Every time I remember what she said I get angry all over again