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Because I was molested, now I fantasize about being raped and killed

So I’ve been molested a few times over the last few years and I have found myself being both disgusted by sex and yet also having fantasies of being kidnapped, kept as a sex slave and then eventually killed. It really messes with me but that the only way I can masturbate now and all I can think about is my assaults and yet my body just keeps telling me it wants Me to be nothing more than an object to be raped and abused and eventually strangled to death